I didn’t realize it before but I am often living in a perpetual state of fear.

I was afraid I wouldn’t get a job. I was afraid of moving away from home. I was afraid of dating. I was afraid I would never get married. I was afraid my good job was just a fluke.

I’m afraid I’ll lose my inspiration.  I’m afraid I’ll never write this book. I’m afraid I’ll never have a baby. I’m afraid I’ll never get to go some of the places I desperately want to go. I’m afraid I’ll get old before I have a chance to grasp my life.

But I heard it loud and clear yesterday morning: Stop Letting Fear Control You. 

I don’t usually  make goals — which is probably not a great idea — but I don’t. And if I do, it’s certainly not at the beginning of the year.

But I’m making an exception.

Fear (aka worry) has never done anything for me and yet I keep hanging around with it. All the things I was afraid of turned out just fine, so why do I keep on living like I don’t have FAITH?

A verse has been on my mind for the past week or so and it says this:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…for when I am weak, then I am strong.” — 2 Corinthians 12: 9,11

Okay so it’s a bit confusing because the first part is written from God’s perspective and the second part is written from a human’s perspective. But I just keep thinking — over and over — “when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

Every time I try to be strong on my own power, it simply. doesn’t. work.

But when I take the “whatever it is” and hold it up to God, lift it up in prayer and say, “God, I can’t do this without you,” there’s a huge relief. Like I can just rest in the knowledge that He’s got it and as long as I do the best I can, it’s okay.

I don’t HAVE to do this alone. He doesn’t want me to do this alone.

There are certain moments that are so overwhelming and hard — like I can’t function in those moments without Him. And I realized that I’ve been forgetting to ask for help.

When I am weak, then I am strong. But only if I remember how to tap into that strength.

And it’s really hard to stop and breathe for a second and forget about myself and say I need You. But I’ve got to.

Because FEAR cannot be allowed to rule my head and my heart.

Sometimes it will. And I’ll forget to ask. And I’ll be stubborn for no reason. And I’ll wallow in my silly  humanness.

But, maybe because I’m writing things…because I’m thinking about it and being more aware of it, I’ll start to remember more often than not that…

When I am weak, then I am strong. 

That’s not my tattoo in the picture but I’m strongly considering getting something like it. I think I’ll need this reminder for the rest of my life.

To 2015 — the year of the strong.

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