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| Posting pix of my niece and nephew makes me happy when I’m sad š |
Though I posted a list of ways to combat SNA yesterday, I really didn’t take my own advice. In fact, the past week has been one big mess of crazy for me.
I’m a schedule person. I like my routines. Vacations, holidays, general disruption — they never fare awesomely with me.
Such was the case in the past week. It was doubly impacted because I was not “allowed” to work out. After the Philadelphia Marathon, I intended to take 7 days off from any kind of working out. My body needs a break.
However, usually the healthy way I combat boredom, stress, anxiety, destructive behavior patterns, is to run. Run. Run. Run.
Of course I could have walked. I could have done a lot of things. Instead, I was lazy. I have watched more TV in the past week than should be legal. I’ve eaten so much crap it makes me sick. I’ve drank so much alcohol I can’t even recount it.
All of these things make for an unhappy me. It’s not all about the past week. In general, I have avoided some things I shouldn’t be avoiding. Things like making a budget, spending time with God, cleaning my house more often, calling my grandparents more often, generally doing more nice things for people.
I have gained weight and just feel generally awful about myself. I guess it happens. It’s winter, I’m pretty sure I suffer from seasonal affective disorder, though that’s never been medically confirmed.
But, how many times have I made promises to myself and then went back on them? Do you know I’ve never ever been able to stay on a diet more than like 2 days? I have no self control.
Right now, I want to stop eating crap. I want to stop drinking — maybe for good. I want to make better decisions so I can feel good about myself. The truth is, running and running marathons has given me a lot of validation in the past few years. It keeps me disciplined in a lot of ways and makes me feel like I’ve really accomplished something. That’s great — and I want to keep doing it.
However, there are other areas of life that need my attention. Sometimes I just don’t know how much I’m doing right or wrong. Sometimes I wonder how you know what’s right and what’s wrong — some things aren’t black and white. Sometimes I wish I didn’t think so much. But I do and I guess that gives everything more meaning, even if it makes some things harder.
As I read somewhere today, “nothing changes if nothing changes.” So, things have to change for me. I’m not sure what exactly it’s going to be but it’s time and I don’t wait for January 1st — that never works.
Maybe I’m just rebounding from a rough weekend. Either way, it’s a new day.
