Gosh, remember when photo editing was like so difficult and you had to learn all kinds of Photoshop? Yeah, never really got there. Thanks to Picasa, Instagram and PicMonkey, we’ve all become “experts.” There are so many options that I sometimes just completely forget what my original photo looked like.

Thanks to my friend Sarah, I have one photo of me playing with the kids in the trees. I had a bunch of these on the iphone I left in Congo but luckily, she snapped a few and I just saw this one.

The little girl I’m sponsoring, Esperence, is in the red and white dress. I’m writing her a letter today and sending a photo a long with Renee, the head of Global Outreach, to take with her when she goes to Congo this month. She also got this one of me singing just one of many rounds of “Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes.”

It took them awhile but most of them got it eventually. I’ve been thinking about them a lot this week. Thinking about how I might never go back. Thinking about how here I am back to my  normal life and I don’t want to forget about Congo. Thinking about how selfish I am, how much I struggle to obey God and love Him like I should. Sometimes, I just don’t even try. It’s a horrible feeling.

I’m having a hard time this week and it feels like battle. Sometimes I get a little freaked out about my age. Not that I’m old but I’ll be 31 in September. I have a serious boyfriend that I love but we are not married or engaged — and  I don’t have kids. All of that playing out could take much longer than I am comfortable with thinking about. I’m going to be an old Mom for sure at this point. I guess that’s okay but it’s so hard not having control. You want things but you can’t just set a goal and go get them like running a marathon or going to Africa. I guess thinking about the kids at the orphanage — or just being there — made me think more about being a Mom. I have just had a lot of morbid thoughts about growing old lately — being scared of it, dreading, hoping the things I want don’t pass me by. All these “life is short” moments and wavering between feeling like everything is “meaningless” and “seize the day” mentalities. This crazy head of mine…

Our church is starting at 40-day “fast” soon and I haven’t decided what to give up but I really want to dedicate these days to God and do some soul searching. I’m not at peace with Him right now and I want to be. I just need to give him Him the time to speak to me and I’m simply not doing that enough right now.

This past weekend, we went out for Michelle’s Batchelorette Party — though it was not a typical gathering with penis crowns and obscene party favors. We opted for a unique and classy establishment called “Sax” in downtown DC, which actually features Burlesque dancers in an enclosed case throughout the night. I know, sounds weird, but it was cool and different and we had a great time just talking, drinking and eating for hours. The wedding is in just three days — in OBX — can’t wait for that 6am sunrise ceremony!

So what am I reading these days? I just finished “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” — a book I would not have chosen had it not been the book club selection for the month. Thankfully, it was because this book was pretty darn amazing.

First of all, I am in awe of the author, Rebecca Skloot for the the 10 years of writing and painstaking research she put into this book. At first glance, you think it’s a book about science and cells. Well, it is but it’s so much more. And, who knew that the research that has provided so many cures and tests and possibilities in the medical community came directly from the fatal tumor of a woman named Henrietta Lacks?  Here’s the author (who I’m about to tweet praises to) talking about it:

It was one of those books I could pick up and never want to put down. The kind of book that draws me away from the “real world” and places me in another one — one I’m all too happy to escape too. Intriguing, entertaining, tragic and eye-opening, I’d recommend this book to all readers — men and women. I’m looking forward to talking about it at book club!

QUESTION: Read any good books lately? Do tell! Did you relate to anything in my post today? I’d love to her your feedback.