I’ve been in a funk — and I really need to get out of it. I am always hesitant to use the blog to express personal issues but, I’m me and I’m not one to keep everything private (obviously!). Every winter, I seem to get “the winter blues.” Officially known as “seasonal affective disorder” but whatever.

I feel a literal change in my mood, thought processes, energy levels and everything. The chemicals topple to the other side and I’m stuck dealing with the off balance in my head. I already take Lexapro (an anti-anxiety medication) and so the best I can do here is deal. I can deal badly or I can deal awesomely but it’s all up to me.

Sometimes, I don’t feel like talking to anyone. My closest friends and family have had many conversations with me over the years about feeling depressed or anxious. There’s nothing I haven’t already said. There’s no piece of advice they haven’t already given. So, I had a conversation with God. Why this always seems to enter my head last, I’m not sure. It should be first.

I began with the thank yous as that always seems the most appropriate place to start when you are feeling down:

Thank you for the sunshine
Thank you for my family 
Thank you for two working legs
Thank you for a healthily beating heart
Thank you for a good job
Thank you for my healthy and safety
Thank you for giving me passion
Thank you for a kind heart
Thank you for a home to live in
Thank you for the life I’ve been given

I sometimes can say nothing aside from…God, I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling or what to do about it — but You do. You know what it is, you know how to fix it. Sometimes, there are things I want that I can’t have. Sometimes, I have to just let things go. That’s when I close my eyes, envision myself picking up that “thing” I can’t control and lifting it up to God so He can take it out of my hands. And I mentally, let go. Sometimes, I have to do that more than once.

So, today I did. And, then I got out my ipod and listened to a song that always reminds me of what’s important.

Then, I remembered how great God is — and that He’s called me to Africa again, something I really prayed for to happen. I remembered last time I was there, singing praise songs in Swahili beneath a starlit sky in Kenya with my brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s the coolest thing to arrive in a totally foreign place and know that your “family” is there, even though you’ve just met them — you are connected through your faith.

I remembered that His grace is enough. It’s really enough.

Neema yako ni ya kutosha, mimi ni kufunikwa katika upendo wako
 (Swahili for: “Your grace is enough, I am covered in Your love.”

Life is short. God is good.

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