What I Used To Think About Being a Mom

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Can I tell you something? I had no idea I might never get back to being “me” after having a baby.

Before, it was kind of like: Live life — insert baby — keep living life. 

I didn’t know it threw you off kilter on nearly every level.

Yes, there’s the work changes, the sleep changes, the relationship changes.

But it’s that now I view the world and my life through the “mom lens.”

Things that weren’t important before are now. Things that were important before aren’t.

  • I was worried about finding time to train for a marathon after having a baby. Now, I don’t even want to!
  • I thought I’d be fine with having him in daycare so I could get my stuff done and have some “me” time. Now, I cringe even leaving him in the next room with a babysitter so I can do my job.
  • I worried having a baby would limit my traveling. Now that I’ve gone on one trip without him, I realize how I don’t even really want to travel unless he gets to go.
  • I thought maybe hanging out with my baby would be boring. It’s not at all — I’m fascinated by everything he does. I could stare at him forever.
  • I worried I wouldn’t be able to be as selfless as Moms are supposed to be. Now, I realize why my Mom always bought us news clothes & toys instead of things for herself.
  • I thought a lack of sleep would be unbearable. Now, I recognize those precious night time moments are a privilege — and I don’t take them for granted. (Though I could do without the all night kicking fests we’ve been enduring lately!)
  • I thought I would have post partum depression — and though things have been tough sometimes — I’d say I mostly had post-partum joy.

Yesterday, Lindsay asked people to described motherhood in one word. Without hesitation, I said “joyous.”

Joy rises above all else. It is deeper than happiness and stronger than sadness, anxiety or fear. I have felt all of those things but the one thing that tops it all off is joy.

I thought I might not be so good at being a Mom. Now, I know God made me for it.

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