*My nephew, Marshall, as a newborn.
I’m not going to lie, you guys are scaring me.
When you are trying and hoping to get pregnant, all you can think about it reaching that goal. The whole birth, newborn, being a mom thing is secondary.
Then, you get pregnant and you are trying to learn stuff, plan a baby shower, adapt to bodily changes and also just enjoy having attained this coveted status of womanhood: pregnancy.
But then you start reading stuff about what it’s like to be a new mom — and everyone starts freaking you out. There’s lots of conversation about post-partum depression. At this point, I’m just assuming I’ll have it. I’m prone to depression and don’t deal well without routine, sleep or being house bound. Can you tell — I’m a real optimist! Yes, I realize “assuming I’m going to have it” is a terrible approach but I guess I’d rather be mentally prepared…
It’s all about to come crashing down on me.
Yesterday, I read this piece — and it just really bothered me. I’m not trying to escape reality but I keep seeing posts like this. People saying they expected it to be really hard, but not THIS hard, not this bad. So just watch out lady because you’ve got it coming and you can’t imagine how difficult it’s going to be.
There is no point in being “afraid” of what is to come after the baby is born (everybody does it!) — but the scare tactics are sure out there. I really did enjoy this piece from Colleen (“No One Talks About the Darkness”) because it was honest — and ended with hope — but you all have me wigged out about this whole post-partum situation.
Part of me doesn’t even want to share this because…will people just say — yep, it’s going to be just as they all say and there’s nothing you can do about it. And let me pause here to say, I’m NOT complaining, I KNOW how lucky I am, I am just sorting it all through right now. I’m very…sensitive to how this can come across to anyone who might be trying to get pregnant with difficulty.
I need more people to say things like this. I read this piece (and have shared it once before) about a year ago and I have gone back to it several times. She’s the only person I’ve seen really nail it on this.
I mean…this is the most blessed event I will ever experience. I cannot wait to meet this guy — I can hardly believe he’s real and really mine. But he is the most intimidating person I’ve ever planned to meet! And motherland on the Internet isn’t easing my anxiety a single bit.
Something else “everyone” says? Don’t be afraid to have friends and family come help you out — make you food, do your laundry, give you a break. Well, guess what? We don’t live near family and our friends have their own kids & they don’t live down the road. It’s just gonna be us — and so don’t make me think that’s not do-able.
Here’s the thing, I know why we blog and write. We need to get these things off our chest, be brutally honest about our lives, our babies, our experiences. But first time moms are easily scared. So maybe that’s my cue to get off the Internets on this! I mean, I will likely appreciate these post-partum posts when I’ve been there, done that. For now, it’s just kind taking away some of my joyful anticipation.
Like everything else I’ve done that’s scary, I know this will be okay. But I swear when I write my post-partum reflections I’ll try not to freak the crap out of first time expectant mothers everywhere. I promise I’ll tell you the good stuff too.
I can only speak for myself, but I personally was prepared for the worst when I had my son 15 months ago. Postpartum depression, total exhaustion, problems with breastfeeding, colic, etc. – I thought it all might happen. It turned out that I didn’t have PPD – in fact, I was really, really happy. Yes, I was completely exhausted, but you deal with it. Breastfeeding was hard, but after awhile we both got the hang of it. (I was lucky and did have a generous supply of milk – not everyone has that.) And each phase only lasts for a short while, in the grand scheme of things. I guess what I’m saying is, it’s not bad to be prepared for the worst – because then even if it is bad, it’s not as bad as you thought it might be, and that can make it seem just fine. Just remember, nothing lasts forever, even if it feels like it will at the time. And ultimately, that little guy is going to be SO worth it! I have never been as happy as I have been the last 15 months of my life. 🙂
Okay maybe I’m just emotional but your comment just made me cry. Thank you for those positive words of encouragement 🙂
Yes, I love this piece you wrote Ericka! I feel a lot of the same way. (I’m 20 weeks pregnant! Shelby and Lindsey know, so they might have already told you)
First time moms are easily scared.. So true. There’s such an array of emotions I feel in preperation for baby and in the experience of it all. I appreciate women who can help me feel empowered and encouraged in this whole thing. Women who feel the need to tell me their horror story about this or that are not helpful to me at all. I’m dealing with these changes to my body and life as they come. All I can do is live in the moment and roll with this crazy & amazing blessing. It’s all so personal. 🙂
I hope you feel encouraged by other women. We are all in this tribe and experience together! It’s really great to be able to share in this with you and share in those feelings. 🙂 Xoxo
Katie! I did not know you were pregnant — congratulations! Yes, it’s nice to know we are not alone. Whenever I share my heart on the blog, I always get lots of good feedback and I knew that would be the case here. Okay so you are 6 weeks behind me so I will have just a bit of a headstart! I’m so happy for you and I’m sure we will both do just fine! 🙂
I read absolutely nothing when I was pregnant. No book or blog knows what my baby will be like so I didn’t want to get overwhelmed with all the information. Advice is free: so take it for what it’s worth. Unless you have a nanny or family to help out. Parenting is tough. Newborns are tough. All my friends and family told me babies are beautiful and starting a family is beautiful but nobody was brutally honest about what it is REALLY like. I knew it was going to be a challenge but I had no idea I would have issues breast feeding, be as hormonal as I was and deal with “baby blues.” I see a new mom now and if they as me for advice or tips: i am honest with them. I don’t want to scare them but it’s better they know now than when they find themselves overwhelmed and crying for no reason. Enjoy being pregnant (I loved it!) and enjoy being a mom (my three year old is amazing!). It really is a beautiful thing but it is hard as hell!
Thanks 🙂 I am definitely prepared for the hard — at least mentally speaking. So perhaps the “scary’ posts will have been helpful in the end. I just have to be in THIS moment now! Thanks for the reminder 🙂
I really, really appreciate you writing this. I am feeling very much the same way – the only thing I thought about for so long was getting pregnant, and now that I am I’m a little terrified of everything that comes next, and I feel guilty about feeling that way! I’ve wanted to be a mom my entire life, I’ve cared for many babies and helped raise my sister who was born when I was 13, and I don’t remember it ever being so horrible and scary for my mom, but everything I hear is warning me about how awful it is going to be! We also don’t have family close by and most of our friends are still single or only recently married with no kids yet, so I’ve been doing way too much reading online for my own good to “prepare”. I LOVED the huff post article you linked to. That’s how I always expected motherhood to be, and I don’t feel terribly unprepared until some well meaning person puts the fear of God into me with horror stories. You’ve inspired me to stop listening to them and trust that God will provide the strength we need when we need it. Good luck!
Yes, I love the article so much, I found it so comforting. Im glad you can relate and … I feel better having just gotten it off my chest. I know these moms don’t mean any harm but I can see now why people tell you to “stay off the Internet!” Some of the great responses I’ve gotten to this have helped me put things in perspective. I’m sure we will both me JUST fine 😉
Oh, I so feel for you right now because the unknown is so scary. I’m prone to anxiety and depression too, and just assumed I’d have it. I did experience very intense baby blues in the first three weeks, but I promise it got better and continues to get better! And while those weeks feel long when you’re in them, it’s really such a short amount of time in the baby’s life. I hate the negative posts too. Sometimes I wonder why people have kids, if all they’re going to do is complain!
Feel free to email me anytime, and like I said on Instagram, if you want to get together once you’re feeling up to it, I live west of Indianapolis!
I just read that article — the thing about free time is NOT true. Everyone told me that too. But babies sleep a lot — you will have time to yourself when he’s sleeping. A good piece of advice someone gave me was “Remember that the baby came into your life, not the other way around.”