• Dear Jacob Part I
• Dear Jacob Part II

Dear Jacob,

2015 is the best year of my life, because you became a part of it. I began this year with one big hope and prayer — that I would get to become a mother to you. I didn’t know you yet, but I knew you in my heart. Every day, your Dad and I prayed that God would bless us with a child that we could love. We had faith that He would and we moved forward with that faith to do whatever we could to make it happen.

We found out you had become a reality in March of this year. You were the smallest of small but we knew in that instant that you were the most valuable thing we had. It’s a little scary walking around with something so precious inside your body. Everything is terrifying, but not quite as terrifying as when you arrived, in the flesh.

I saw your heart beating just a few weeks after we found out. This was April 7, 2015:

We first heard  your heartbeat on April 14th, 2015, around 6 weeks or so:

Daddy had to work so I was able to capture these on video and text them to him as soon as I left the appointment. His response was always, “That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Can you believe you developed into this beautiful boy in less than 7 months after those images?

Everyday, I would thank God that you were here — and pray for His protection over you in the womb. We were very scared that something could happen…each day could be an emotional roller coaster. I thought my fears would get easier after 12 weeks (when you were statistically safer) but they didn’t. Little did I know that was the beginning of a lifetime of worrying about your well being.

I followed your growth and development each day. I knew that from the moment egg met sperm, the boy you would be was determined in many ways — things like your eye color and personality traits. I knew that so many magical, scientific and Godly things were happening every minute you developed from moment one. It’s was the most fascinating, miraculous, wonderful thing I’d ever experienced.

You were already being you in there before you were born, hard to wake up for our 3-D ultrasound, stubbornly refusing to move when we wanted you to, getting the hiccups all the time, being rowdy at night time. It’s funny how those things are still true today!

When you arrived two weeks and one day early, it was even more exciting. November 17th, 2015 was the best day of my life. Every parenting cliche has now come to fruition in my life. I didn’t know I could love someone so much. You are our dream come true…all 9 pounds of you now and every bit of you that is to come.

I’m writing this as you sleep next to me (just took the photo below) and though the first 6 weeks of life have been beautiful, they have also been trying. All the hardness disappears when I have you in my arms. I feel a chemical happy connection to you when we are together, when you are on my should or tight in my arms. It’s inexplicable and better than any drug could ever be.

Dear Jacob…no matter what happens in this life, you are loved more than you can ever imagine. You are better than we could have dreamed, you are more than we could have ever asked for.

Love,

Mom