I can’t believe you will be here in just a few short weeks. I feel you moving all the time but don’t feel like I will truly know you until I can see your sweet face. I surely already love you so much — and you are part of this family just where you are — but we are so excited to hold you. I picture you moving around in there, curled up tight with so little space, safe and cozy not realizing you will soon learn what being cold feels like! You haven’t made a t0n of room for yourself, as I am fairly small for nearly 36 weeks pregnant, but hopefully it’s just the space you need.
While you’ve been growing since June — and I’ve worried about you ever step of the way — it seems my anxieties for your safety have increased in these last weeks. It’s like I won’t believe you are really ours to keep until I hear you cry and hold you in my arms. Horror stories and bad dreams crowd my brain as I imagine things that could go wrong before you arrive, but the rational part of me knows those things aren’t likely to happen. Still, it’s the same with your brother even now. It’s so scary to love someone THIS much because you fear how much it would hurt if something ever happened to either one of you.
I have to push those scenarios out of my mind, but it’s tough. I am bracing myself for long nights and attempts to breastfeed and just going back to that newborn stage that seems so long ago even though it was just 2 years! Mostly, though, my heart churns just thinking of the day you will arrive because I know the joy of what that moment feels like. Before Jacob, I didn’t know but now that I do, I can look forward to it even more than I did before. I simply can’t wait to see you and have your little head lying on my chest — and to see your Dad’s eyes well up with tears.
Sometimes, we just look at each other with a knowing glance when Jacob does something sweet and it’s this glance of powerful love. We both are just in love with your brother and with you already. You must be the luckiest kids alive because I don’t think two parents could love you any more. I’m sure many mommas feel that way but it’s hard to contain or explain how it feels. And when I start to feel inadequate in life (which happens fairly often), I think of you and your brother. I remember that I have the best job in the world and that making you feel loved and growing you into good people is the most important thing I can ever do.
Abby, your room is ready, we have piles of clothes waiting for you to come home to. I’ve got a fresh rocking chair ready for hours of snuggles, headbands and booties, oodles of blankets and a heart just bursting to meet you. I’m so blessed and excited that I am your Mom. I couldn’t ask for more. I love you. See you soon!