We interrupt this blog for…
Happy Wednesday, friends! I come to you this morning very tired and also sad to see that Donald Trump won Florida & more last night. I typically don’t talk politics on the blog but I’m in honesty mode right now.
As a Republican, I’m upset that this is the man so many of my Party’s voters have chosen. It makes me want to disassociate from the Party for the moment. I will not vote for Trump in November — but nor will I vote for Hillary Clinton. Perhaps I will write someone in. Either way, after having worked in politics for 10 years, this is the first time I really feel like I’m not sure I can stomach the next few years. If either Trump or Clinton win the Presidency, it will be a rough go for this conservative. I DO.NOT.GET.IT. Trump fans — and I never will.
Anyway, brain fog is real. I have wanted to blog and write, but the moment I try to focus, I come up empty. Lost in business of mom-ing and working and wife-ing, I’ve found myself in a creative wilderness. It’s like all my mental energy is completely spent. Before Jacob, I already lost things easily. Now, I feel like I forget where I put something within seconds of putting it there.
I’m not sure what to do about it. I long to do more with the blog but don’t know what. Several years ago, I went through Marie Forleo’s B-School and was super inspired. I began trying to build my own business but realized it wasn’t sustainable. What I was trying to do with consulting/social media was too much work for one person to maintain well. Thankfully, I have a great job and I don’t need my own business but I still feel like there’s something I should be doing and am not.
Then there’s this book I’ve been working on for 4 years. Long story but there it sits, 100 single-spaced Word doc pages in and I have no desire to finish, no clue if it’s any good or if anyone would even want to read it. It glares at me daily. I think about it all the time — and yet I do nothing. The motivation is severely lacking.
I feel creatively stuck. I feel tired and frustrated. I keep seeing all these women doing awesome things — mostly through Jamie Ivey, who has them all on her show — and I feel inadequate. I have some skills but I’m so disorganized and I let things like not understanding how to set up a landing page stop me from moving forward with ideas I do have.
Sometimes I think — Ericka, you have a baby and a full-time job — isn’t that enough for you to feel fulfilled? Unfortunately, it’s not in this aspect. I guess it takes a lot for me to feel fulfilled. I am not sure what to work on here — feeling okay where I am or finding a way to jump on that creative ambition I have. I definitely need to work on not being jealous of others and comparing myself professionally.
Either way, I feel like I’m on the lookout for something — but I don’t know what. Send me a sign, God. I’m ready for it.