In the morning, I get Jacob up, feed him, change his diaper and set him below his mobile in crib. He immediately breaks into a huge smile.
He’s rested and ready for the day. Yesterday has passed and he’s just HAPPY to be up, kicking around like this is the only place he wants to be.
It reminds me so much of the verse that says “His mercies are new every morning.” Like even if yesterday — or every day — is crappy in epic proportions, every morning is made NEW.
I have had a couple of crappy days recently. Like days where I wound up crying in my closet and feeling totally out of control of my emotions. (Yes, hormonal new mom but also, just a crier in general)
I finally realized why I felt like I was going to explode. I have been trying to handle it on my own. And we can’t handle everything that life throws at us on our own. It doesn’t work — we will crumble.
And God has just been waiting for me to accept His new mercies, to ask Him to carry me through these hard moments that I feel helpless in.
Do you ever feel like you are drowning in your human-ness, like you simply feel powerless to change something about yourself that you want to change? It feels IMPOSSIBLE. That’s because we can’t rise above that human nature without the Lord. Not the way I’m talking about…It’s like I have to run myself into the ground trying it all my own way before I ask God as my LAST RESORT.
Why would God be my LAST RESORT? Why do I always try to do everything on my own? I can’t change my OWN heart, mind and soul. The only reason I have anything good in me is because of God — and He is the only one that can make that good better or give me more of it.
And I have kept putting my hope and value and desires into human nature. That is the problem. My hope and value and truth will not be found in any other human. It will be found ONLY in God. I’ve been a Christian for a very long time — and I know this — but it’s one we have to re-live and remind ourselves of over and over and over again.
So today, His mercies are NEW. And I have a clean slate because of Him — and I have love and grace and humility in my heart only because of Him. And I just pray that on this day, I will be better because it is only by His grace that I am anything at all.