I’ve been in a funk — and I really need to get out of it. I am always hesitant to use the blog to express personal issues but, I’m me and I’m not one to keep everything private (obviously!). Every winter, I seem to get “the winter blues.” Officially known as “seasonal affective disorder” but whatever.
I feel a literal change in my mood, thought processes, energy levels and everything. The chemicals topple to the other side and I’m stuck dealing with the off balance in my head. I already take Lexapro (an anti-anxiety medication) and so the best I can do here is deal. I can deal badly or I can deal awesomely but it’s all up to me.
I began with the thank yous as that always seems the most appropriate place to start when you are feeling down:
Thank you for the sunshine
Thank you for my family
Thank you for two working legs
Thank you for a healthily beating heart
Thank you for a good job
Thank you for my healthy and safety
Thank you for giving me passion
Thank you for a kind heart
Thank you for a home to live in
Thank you for the life I’ve been given
I sometimes can say nothing aside from…God, I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling or what to do about it — but You do. You know what it is, you know how to fix it. Sometimes, there are things I want that I can’t have. Sometimes, I have to just let things go. That’s when I close my eyes, envision myself picking up that “thing” I can’t control and lifting it up to God so He can take it out of my hands. And I mentally, let go. Sometimes, I have to do that more than once.
So, today I did. And, then I got out my ipod and listened to a song that always reminds me of what’s important.
Then, I remembered how great God is — and that He’s called me to Africa again, something I really prayed for to happen. I remembered last time I was there, singing praise songs in Swahili beneath a starlit sky in Kenya with my brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s the coolest thing to arrive in a totally foreign place and know that your “family” is there, even though you’ve just met them — you are connected through your faith.
I remembered that His grace is enough. It’s really enough.
Life is short. God is good.