*Note: I didn’t intend for this to turn into a confessional but that’s what happened when I started writing so here ya go…
It’s happened again. Is it winter? I’m not sure. Somehow, for most of the past six months or so, I’ve been able to buy ice cream, bake cookies, create fabulous, fat-filled meals and NOT overdo it on eating (for the most part.)
My former roommates (all 15-20 of them) will tell you I’ve always had a problem with leaving ice cream in the freezer. It doesn’t belong there — it belongs in my tummy — even if it’s not mine! Somehow, I got a handle on the issue in my life but lately, it’s been rough and I blame Mr. Winter. Actually, I saw this yesterday and thought it described my former ways to a T:
In my rainbow variety eating disordered past, there were times when I wouldn’t allow myself to buy ice cream — or cheese of any kind, or even crackers or white bread (I went through a phase where I only bought that really healthy Ezekial bread which even the best binger would have trouble justifying stuffing the sandpapery stuff down their throat.)
Anything that could be used for binging, I steered clear of at the grocery store. Of course, this just meant I’d end up binging on something even more disgusting, like an entire box of Fiber One cereal (do NOT do that!) or using old box of pancake mix to whip up some carbs I wouldn’t taste in my sugar-addict haze. Or…jumping in my car in a ravenous daze to order triple time at Steak n’ Shake, wolf it down in my car and pray no one would notice me in the parking lot. Yep, that happened. Quite a few times.
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My drug of choice. Sad. |
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A photo of me six years ago smiling, but I remember how removed and full from a binge I was here. |
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Love that these days, I feel more like this most of the time! |